


Tracks of Never Ending Light

by abbyli



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: And Darcy loves him, Angst, Background Jane/Bucky, Bucky's a good bro, F/M, HAPPY ENDING Y'ALL, Sharon's a good bro, Some Fluff, Steve POV, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve's a Stubborn Butthead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 12:29:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9896516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbyli/pseuds/abbyli
Summary: Duty before family. Duty before love.That's what Steve Rogers has always believed the moment he emerged as Captain America. So when Darcy becomes pregnant with their child, he is left with an impossible choice to make.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [acaseofthemondays](https://archiveofourown.org/users/acaseofthemondays/gifts).



> Much thanks to the amazing Little_Plebe for all the screaming they let me do at them about the ending.

  * [ [they move on tracks of never ending light](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-BrIa2fO90) _]_



_._

When Darcy woke up naked next to Steve, she knew she was screwed. And not in the fun way.

She gave Steve a gentle poke in the shoulder and to her surprise, he doesn’t rouse. With a sigh, she rolls from bed and begins to gather up her clothes, yanking them on piece by piece as she tiptoes out to the living room and discovers her boots. Her fingers are just touching the doorknob when she hears, “Morning Darcy.”

Shit.

Turning on her heel, she casts her friend a smile. “Hi. This looks bad.”

Steve chuckles tiredly, shaking his head. “No it’s all right. Go on home.”

“I’m not doing a walk of shame, I just – Jane’s waiting for me in the lab so –“

“Darcy.” Steve’s eyes are gentle. “It’s okay.”

“Is this...” her voice catches in her throat. “This isn’t going to be weird is it? I mean, you’re my best friend after Jane and I know I’m yours after Bucky and Sam and I don’t want things to be awkward now.”

Steve pours a cup of coffee from the machine sitting on the kitchen counter, passing it to her. “Only if you want it to be awkward.”

“Really?” she asks gratefully. Steve smiles and she steals his mug. “See you, Steve. Punch a few Nazis today.”

Steve’s chuckle is enough for her.

-;

Jane watches her worriedly from across the table, pushing the small bottle of ginger ale at her. Darcy eyes it apprehensively. “I don’t think –“

“Ginger ale is supposed to settle your stomach. Give it a try, you’re as green as the bottle.”

Puking five times this morning and it’s only nine am is not the most enjoyable thing in the world. Darcy sighs, picking up the bottle and popping the top before taking a few small sips. To her surprise, it helps. Her dancing stomach begins to settle and she’s able to take a few more sips. “I cannot believe it. The stomach flu. I’ve _never_ had the stomach flu.”

“Yes you have,” Jane smirks. “Remember that one time in London? You were puking your guts up for two days straight and you thought you were...pregnant.” She cuts her eyes to Darcy and they stare at each other. “Uh...Darcy...?”

“Way ahead of you.” Darcy’s typing away on her phone. “There’s a drug store on the corner.”

Jane drops the marker in her hand, letting it fall to the floor. “Right behind you.”

The two women don’t say much on the walk down the street. Darcy keeps her head down, her hair tangling behind in the early fall breeze. Jane slides an arm through hers, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “It’s going to be okay.”

She buys two pregnancy tests and a box of saltines. Once back at the apartment, she heads for the bathroom and nearly walks in on Bucky there already. “Jesus Barnes, you have an apartment of your own!” she snaps, slapping a hand over her eyes once she’s got the door closed. She catches Jane’s smirk and scoffs. “There are some things you can never unsee.”

_“I heard that!”_

“Seeing the Winter Soldier taking a piss in my bathroom isn’t exactly the treat I wanted, you know!” she yells through the door, unable to help the laugh that breaks through her lips.

The door opens and Bucky walks out, popping a quick kiss to Jane’s lips before turning to her. “Why are you so cranky today, Lewis?”

“Long story,” Darcy’s fingers tighten around the, thankfully not clear, plastic bag. “Uh you will find out soon though. Give me a few minutes.”

“Do you want me too -?” Jane offers and Darcy shakes her head.

“No I got it. Thanks Jane.”

“You wanted to help her pee?” Bucky’s saying as she walks into the bathroom and shuts the door behind her. Jane grumbles in response and Bucky protests, obvious that Jane is dragging him away.

Darcy pulls her phone out of her pocket and lets it sit on the edge of the sink. She unearths the two pregnancy tests, happy that she had drank all of that ginger ale this morning.

-;

“What the hell, Doc?”

Jane sighs, slapping a hand to her forehead. “We don’t know yet. Give her some time. And if she is...pregnant than give her more time.”

Bucky shakes his head, bewilderment still in his eyes. “Steve never mentioned it.”

“He tells you about his exploits?” Jane asks.

“Well, they’re so rare that it’s not hard to figure it out. He whistles the Star Spangled Banner to an annoying amount. I was starting to wonder about him, like he had forgotten or something.”

Jane rolls her eyes. “You’re an ass.”

“Yeah well.”

The door to the apartment opens again, revealing Steve dressed in track pants and a teeshirt, his skin still slick with sweat from his late morning run. He waves to them before going to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water and downing it in three gulps, tossing the used container in the recycle bin. When he turns back around he notices the two of them still staring at him.  

“What?” Jane looks pensive and Bucky’s got a big stupid smirk on his face. He folds his arms and gives his two friends the best ‘Dad face’ he can muster as Darcy would always call it.  

Little does he know.

“Nothing.” Jane quickly assures him. “Everything’s fine.”

“Where’s Darcy?” he asks, noticing the brunette is not anywhere near. He hadn’t seen much of her since the morning after Thor’s goodbye party. He missed her. A lot.

“She’s in the bathroom,” Bucky tells him, almost giggling when Jane slaps his shoulder. “Go check on her.”

Steve narrows his eyes. “Why would I want to do that?”

Jane lets out a long suffering sigh. “Go. She needs you,” she says before hitting Bucky again. “You and your big blabbery lips!”

“That you love,” Bucky says to her. Steve rolls his eyes, moving down the hallway to the bathroom.

He raps lightly on the door with his knuckles. “Darce?”

_“Come in Steve.”_

When he pushes the door open, he sees Darcy sitting on the edge of the bathtub, her arms wrapped around herself like she is trying to keep from falling to a million pieces. Two pregnancy tests sit on the lid of the closed toilet. His eyes dart back and forth from the tests to his friend, swallowing at the lump that is suddenly in his throat.

“You all right?”

Darcy nods, still not looking at him. “Yeah. Yeah I’m okay.”

His eyes cut to the tests again but he won’t look. Not until it’s all right with her.

“They’re positive.”

Steve exhales a breath through his nose, noticing one of his hands has started to shake. “Okay. _Okay._ ”

Darcy finally does raise her eyes to meet his, tiredness evident in her pretty features. “We’re gonna have a baby.”

He blinks several times, fighting to keep the burning sensation in his eyes away. “We’re gonna have a baby.”

-;

He awakes to a soft knocking on his door. Pulling himself from bed, he pads down the hallway to the front door, letting the lock release to reveal Darcy. Without saying anything, he pulls her into his arms. She rests against his chest for a moment, her hands softly rubbing the small of his back. “Sleep well?”

Steve shakes his head. “Not really. Everything’s healed but still achy.”

“That’s normal for an old man,” she smiles and his worry flares. He ushers Darcy inside, parking her on the sofa before he passes her a mug of decaf.  

“Talk.”

Darcy raises a brow, cupping the mug in her hands. “Come again?”

He sighs. “You never show up this early, not even when I’m injured. What’s going on?”

Darcy sets the cup down, her arm brushing against her swollen stomach. Officially seven months along today. “You got me. Um...it’s about what happened day before yesterday.”

“The same as usual happened,” he inquires and Darcy shakes her head.

“You got shot, Steve. That’s not ‘the usual’. Even with the serum, your body doesn’t handle that and –“

“I still heal, Darce,” he says. “I always heal.”

“And what if a time comes that you don’t?” Understanding sets in and Steve’s pretty sure his heart is starting to break. Tears are welling in Darcy’s eyes. “I am not going to ask you to give up your job. This is what you were built for. Being Captain America is a part of who you are.”

“So’s that kid,” he reminds her, trying to keep his voice steady. “So are you.”

“And yet you didn’t resign as soon as we found out the baby was on the way,” Darcy says, her voice impossibly gentle.

Steve stares at his hands. “I love you. You know that right?”

She nods, brushing at her tears. “I know. I love you too.”

-;

He’s on a mission getting shot at when his son is born. Jane later tells him that the stress of the news coverage had sent Darcy into an early labor and she began bleeding. After being rushed to the hospital, she delivers a baby boy.

“Are they okay?” he chokes to Jane, the radio clenched in his fingers so tightly that it cracks.

The radio crackles for a moment. _“The baby’s fine. His lungs are a little underdeveloped so they are keeping him in an incubator for a bit. Darcy’s...”_

“What? Jane, what?”

_“Darcy’s not waking up. They had to anesthetize her for the c-section and...”_

The radio shudders and breaks into several little pieces within his fist.

-;

His fingers slip over the top of Darcy’s head, stroking the soft hair back from her temples.

He isn’t sure when he fell in love with Darcy. She had been his friend for ages, one of the first people that didn’t look at him because of the shield or because of the power he held. He was just...Steve to her.

That’s all he ever was.

The baby coos.

Steve rises to his feet and walks over to the bassinette, staring down at his son with almost awe. The nurse had told him that he had been moved out of the NICU yesterday and was doing fine. Darcy had woken up as well but was so tired from the traumatic birth that she had been sleeping ever since.

The baby cracks open one eye, gazing up at him blearily. Steve rests the tip of his finger on his son’s cheek. The baby gives a sleepy yawn before cooing again and Steve’s heart cracks. Darcy sleeps on.

“Did you and Darcy ever talk about a name?”

He turns on his heel to see Sharon standing in the doorway, her arms folded in front of her chest. The blonde nods towards the crib, a small and tired smile playing on her lips.

He shakes his head. “No.”

“Why not?” Sharon asks. “He’s your son.”

Steve’s voice wobbles. “He’s Darcy’s son,” he manages before pushing past Sharon and disappearing down the hallway.  

-;

“I can tell you where she is.”

Steve is dismayed to realize he is trembling, shoulders shaking so hard. Jane’s voice is slightly sympathetic but he can hear the anger underneath. He deserves that anger.

The apartment that he had frequented so many times, where he would steal her favorite coffee and she would wander through dressed in one of his many hoodies, is empty. Not a stick of furniture remains, not a photograph on the wall has stayed behind.

Jane stands in the doorway, the hall light framing her small form. She rests her shoulder against the frame, a white envelope tipped between her fingers. “And I assure you, she and the baby are all right.”

“Don’t tell me,” Steve says softly. “Please don’t.”

“Steve...”

He holds up a hand and Jane falls silent. “If you tell me than I will go and I cannot walk away from my duty.”

“What about the duty to your family?” Jane asks him. “What about the duty to Darcy and Caleb?”

“Caleb?” Jane’s face flushes. “His name is Caleb?”

Jane reaches out the hand holding the envelope. Steve eyes it like the envelope is going to bite before begrudgingly taking it and sliding his finger under the flap. Inside is a photograph.

Darcy’s eyes are the first thing he sees. They are warm and soft and sad, but also brimming with love for the life that is in her arms. Their son – _Caleb –_ waves fat fists at the camera, drool already dribbling down his chin as he giggles. A tuft of blond hair the same color as his own sticks up in the center of his forehead.

“Caleb Steven Lewis,” Jane whispers.

Steve cuts his eyes to her. “She named him after me?”

“And her dad. Her dad never left her so that’s why he got first billing,” Jane replies bitterly.

Steve winces. He deserves that. “I’m sorry Jane.”

“Don’t apologize to me,” Jane turns to leave. “I’m not going to lecture you either. But please reconsider your choice.”

His shoulders tremble again. “I...can’t.”

-;

“You are an even bigger idiot than I thought you were.”

Steve sighs, pulling the holster from his sore shoulders. “Don’t start. Jane’s already given me a lecture.”

Clint nearly growls. “This isn’t a lecture, Rogers. This is me fighting not to kick your ass right here and now. How could you be so stupid?!”

“Barton –“

“No!” Clint’s voice is drawing attention and several pairs of eyes are on them. “I lost my family. I chose my job over them and guess what? They are hidden somewhere on the other side of the world and I may never see them again. You really want to make that same choice?”

Steve falls silent. Clint stares angrily at him before shaking his head with disgust and turning on his heel to walk away. Natasha gives him an apologetic glance before trotting after Clint.

“Don’t listen to him.”

Steve shakes his head at Sam’s words. “He’s right. So’s Jane.”

“It was your choice and Darcy gave it to you. She didn’t hold you to anything.”

He smiles sadly. “Thanks for trying to let me off the hook, Sam.” Sam’s eyes are gentle, his jaw ticking. Steve strips off the rest of the upper half of his uniform until he’s just in his tac pants and a teeshirt before leaving the room.

-;

He burns the photograph that night.

He watches as the flames flicker over the glossy paper, Caleb and Darcy’s faces disappearing from him forever before it hits him. He starts smacking the flames out with a potholder. “No, no, no.” But it’s too late.

All he has left is a few ashes. Steve swallows the sudden sob rising in his throat, trying his best not to scream but he can’t help it. Tears slide down his cheeks and he slides to his knees on the kitchen floor, sobs cracking his chest.

Once the tears have dried, he finds himself crawling across the floor and to the kitchen table where he had left his sketchbook resting when the last alarm had gone off. He pulls himself into a chair, his shaking hands reaching for the charcoal pencil, letting the tip rest on the blank page.

Caleb’s chubby cheeks and Darcy’s loving eyes take form not long after. His hands are black when Bucky finds him pouring over the third portrait, the movements in the photo having changed just a bit so Darcy is looking more at Caleb or Caleb is sleeping soundly.

Bucky’s silver fingers gently pull the stub of pencil away, carefully placing the cover on the drawings and setting the book down on the other end of the table. “You know I would never judge you, right?”

“But you will now.”

Bucky shakes his head. “God no. You may forget punk, I have known you the longest out of all of these people.”

Steve swallows, ignoring the stray tear that trips over his chin.

“And you think you don’t deserve anything good. This isn’t about duty like Jane or Barton believe, it’s you thinking you need to save the damn world before you let yourself be happy.” Steve remains silent, still staring at the book. Bucky claps him lightly on the shoulder. “I saw how you looked at Darcy. I wasn’t really surprised that you got her in the family way.”

He finally lets out a snicker. Bucky’s mouth twists up.

“I thought after that, _finally._ Finally the punk was getting out. He could go live his life with a beautiful dame and a great kid.” Bucky smiles. “And then he lets the best thing that had ever happened to him slip through his fingers and take their kid with her. Steve...let yourself be happy. We’ve got this.”

“What?”

Bucky waves an arm about before pointing to himself. “Me and Sam. We got this. You don’t have to do this job anymore. Go live in Suburbia, go to PTA meetings, fight with Darcy over your taxes, get fat and lose all of your hair. Just _go_.”

-;

They’re in Romania.

He hates Romania.

A bomb, set by more doombots, was hidden deep within the city of Bucharest and the Avengers had twenty four hours to find it.

The bomb was found and dismantled by Tony and Bruce while the rest of them were on the streets. “FRIDAY, how many casualties?” he yells into his com piece.

_“None yet, Cap. Most of the civilians are on the outskirts of the city in the evacuation plan.”_

“Good.”

One bot comes for him and he easily dismantles it with his shield. “ _Uh oh.”_

“What?”

_“Three civilians, four hundred yards at your twelve o’clock. Looks like two minors and one adult.”_

“Shit.”

“Go!” Natasha yells, turning to aim a kick at another diving bot. “We got this!”

_We got this._

He listens to FRIDAY’s directions, following closely and running as fast along the nearly destroyed street until he sees a tiny dark haired head pop up among the wreckage. His heart hammers in his throat, throwing his shield to take out one of the final bots. He dives over the pile of bricks that had fallen, finding the three civilians.

Two children, one boy and one girl. Both not more than seven years old. The man is obviously their father, his lower half pinned underneath that the wreckage. Blood trickles from his mouth, his eyes already starting to glaze.

The children jump when Steve approaches. He holds up his hands, the boy’s eyes going wide at the sight of him. “Daddy, it’s Captain America! He can save you!”

The girl beams as well, holding her father’s hand tighter. Steve feels a presence behind him, not looking back as Sam and Sharon fall into step. The boy seems absolutely ecstatic and Steve highly suspects he’s about to break this boy’s heart again.

Sam gently touches the boy’s shoulder. “What’s your name, son?”

“C-Charlie.”

“Hi, Charlie. I’m Sam.”

The boy wipes the sleeve of his sweatshirt underneath his nose. “You’re the Falcon.”

Sam cracks a smile for the boy’s benefit. “That I am. Right now I am going to try and help your dad, okay? Can you and your sister do me a favor?”

“What?”

“Can you step back a bit and let my friend Sharon take a look at you? Just to make sure that you’re not hurt. Then you can come right back and sit with your dad.”

Sharon reaches out a hand for Charlie and he takes it. The boy’s father nods encouragingly, another slip of blood coming from the corner of his lip. “Go ahead Charlie.”

Charlie and his sister go with Sharon while Sam and Steve kneel by the father. The father blinks a few times, struggling to hold focus as Sam assesses his injuries.

“His legs are crushed and if we move the bricks, he’ll bleed out quickly,” Sam whispers.

“You don’t have to whisper. I already know I’m dying,” the father says and Steve gazes down at him in surprise. He reaches up a shaking hand and Steve takes it while Sam takes the other one. “Never thought I’d see this. Captain America and the Falcon. Sure you two aren’t angels?”

Sam gives him a smile. “Nah. The wings are for show.”

The father smiles too before his eyes go to rest on his children. “Their mother is back in the states. I brought them with me because Charlie was learning about Bucharest in school. He wanted to come and wherever Charlie goes, Sasha has to go too.”

“We’ll get them to their mother,” Steve promises, blinking furiously against the rising heat in his eyes.

“Darlene will be all right. She’s a great mom,” the father says, sounding like he is assuring himself more than them.

“Why aren’t you helping him?” Steve looks up and Charlie’s face is inches from his. “You’re Captain America and the Falcon. You’re superheroes! Why aren’t you helping my dad?”

Sharon gives Steve a helpless look, her hand resting on Charlie’s chest. The father lets go of Steve’s hand and reaches for his son, the other for his daughter. “Charlie, I need you to listen to me very carefully.”

Sam and Steve get up, stepping back to Sharon.

The father’s hand rests on Charlie’s cheek. “You’re going to need to be very brave for your sister.” Fat crocodile tears begin to spill down Charlie’s face. “You’re going to be the man of the house now.”

Sasha sobs, clutching her father’s hand. “Daddy, please.”

“It’s okay,” the father whispers, his voice rapidly losing strength. “You’re going to be okay, baby.”

“I’m not a baby,” Charlie whispers stubbornly, tears still streaking his face.

The father smiles. “You’re right. You’re not a baby. You’re all grown up now.”

Sam and Sharon ease in, gently pulling Sasha and Charlie away. Charlie clings to Sam, tears still streaking his cheeks as Sam carries him back towards the center of the city where the quinjet is waiting.

Steve stays behind, kneeling down besides the father’s prone body. He swallows heavily, reaching down to gently shut the man’s eyes. The man had died for his children and Steve didn’t even know his name.

“I won’t mess up,” he finds himself whispering to no one in particular. “I promise.”

-;

Nick Fury hates it when people badger him before he has his morning coffee. When he sees his phone ringing at the great seven in the am, he’s tempted to throw it right through the window.

Instead, he answers it. “What do you want?”

_“Fury?”_

“Rogers? What’s the matter?”

_“Fury, I need you to file a little paperwork for me.”_

Nick huffs. “What paperwork is this?”

_“I’m quitting.”_

Nick drops his phone.

He manages to fish it off the floor before it falls down the heating vent, slapping it to his ear once again. “You’ve got to be kidding.” He can almost hear Steve shaking his head.

“ _I’m done. The shield is now in Sam Wilson’s possession. He will take over my duties and James Barnes will help him when and if he needs it. The wings will be taken over by Sharon Carter. She’s already finished her training in the program and she’s ready.”_

“You’ve got this all figured out,” Nick mutters grumpily. “Can I ask why you are walking away?”

The silence is answer enough.

 _“_ Tell Lewis hi from me. And Rogers?”

_“Yes sir?”_

“Don’t fuck it up.”

A snicker. _“Yes sir.”_

_-;_

He stands at the door for a good solid five minutes, his fist raised to knock. Fear quenches his throat and Steve wonders if Darcy will even let him in. She has every right to slam the door in his face. She –

The door opens.

Steve takes a tiny step back but is soon enveloped in Darcy’s warm blue eyes. She reaches for him, her hands closing around his wrist and gently pulling him inside.

[Caleb’s there.](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/da/17/14/da1714a85d80ab40205552ae713a2015.jpg)

He’s still small. Steve’s not sure why he thought when he got here, their son would be all grown up but he’s not. He’s tiny and round and perfect. His blond hair, the same color as his, hangs past his ears and pushed back from his eyes. Eyes so like his mother’s.

Right then, Caleb grabs onto the edge of the coffee table and begins to push himself to his feet. “Darcy,” Steve gasps.

Darcy’s hand loosens from his wrist and she goes to kneel in front of Caleb as he takes his first four steps.

His mother’s arms catch the toddler before he falls to the floor, lifting him up as he screeches with laughter. Darcy turns to him, her smile wide. Steve’s eyes sweep over her and Caleb before she suddenly holds Caleb out to him. “Wanna hold your son?”

Steve’s lips twist to hold back the sob, extending his hands. “More than anything.”

**-;**

**Author's Note:**

> That’s all she wrote. This was supposed to be a short fluffy drabble and it turned into a four thousand word angst scandal. Keep in mind that Steve didn’t just quit and leave everything he ever knew for his son, he left for Darcy too. I’m considering writing a prequel piece to this from Darcy’s pov but that depends on the feedback. 
> 
> Do try to leave a review. I need validation, lol.


End file.
